Love will tear us apart (english version)

Quick explanation, I got sick. Nerve sick. But I'm back in the game. Again, sorry for mistranslation.

Original in spanish

-There is something the ones like you will never understand, 'til fall in love. Or 'til they become someone like me.

-What is it?

-No heartbeat is the same. No matter if it is in pain, in fear, mad, or even in love and joy, heartbeat always keeps a proper and unique rythm, that makes the difference among the others. I could easily find you in a crowd, just for the beating of your heart.

-Have you ever fell in love? Or do you preffer one-night-stands?

-Yeah, right, make fun on the elder...

-So?

-Well... yes, I admit I had lots of lovers, beautiful lovers. But in all my years, in all this endless come and go, I only fell in love once.

-How was her?

-Why do you assume it was a woman?

-But you said...

-So?

-Alright, alright, I'm sorry... ok, how was... him?

-Thin, like a finger. With intense and limpid looks. He was a musician, a 70's punk. A tortured soul.

-Did he knew?

-Nah. I wasn't his kind, he was not into guys. Sad, huh? My one and only love and he wouldn't ever love me back.

-But I guess you could come closer...

-Oh, yeah. We were friends, although I guess he thought I was... I don't know, an imaginary friend, or an allucination. He was not ok, you know? he had mind issues. 

-What happened?

-He got married, had a family. And then he blew it up with some Annik.

-...no way.

-What?

-It wasn't HIM. It couldn't.

-Why not? Who can rule over the heart? Over the feelings? Nobody can keep the line over that, not even our own. Even someone like me.

-Where did you meet him?

-Brusels. I met him there, I... I don't remember why I was there; he was going to met his favorite writer, a beatnik or some crap like that. That fucker totally mistreated him... I was so mad, I wanted to kill him, you know I could... but then I saw him, so sad about it... I couldn't leave him alone. Except fot that pedantic sucker, he was into the same authors I love. Since then, I wrote him letters, phonecalled, visits, I made everything to keep in touch with him.

-What did you love the most of him?

-His gloom. His anger. The intense darkness his soul exuded. I loved his eyes, so clear and beautiful. His poetry, oh my... I could've give anything for him to write me at least one song. To be a part of his creations. His heartbeat, even his heartbeat was charged on that pain, that sorrow that got me so crazy, so lost. So alive. I think that's mainly what I miss.

-Did you really never tell him?

-No way, he might have hated me... but... if I've done... maybe he could be still alive. I still remember that weekend. I saw him after he talked to both of the gals. He was devastated, he really wanted to end up the trouble he was in. Annik put an ultimatum: His family or her. What kind of person does that?

-Yeah, well... that was not nice. And then?

-I don't want... 

-I think you should. I mean, I've not lived as long as you but... It hurts you, I can see it.

-...

-Please.

-Well, he told me that. He was forbidden to see Nat, had a crisis and then the ultimátum. I was about to confess; that was the reason I was there, but... I thought it would only get it worse. I just let him unburd. I couldn't say anything. I just... hugged him. It was the only urge I allowed to myself the whole time I knew him. I embraced him to be close to the furious heartbeat I loved, even if it was only once. I'll never know if he noticed there's no sound in my chest.

-And then?

-I ran away, without a word. 

-Why you say he could be still alive?

-Call it guilt if you want. But if I'd told him maybe we'd fought all night long. He'd never seen that fucking movie, or take the ropes to the kitchen. I could have bought him at least one more day, even if he never wanted to see me again. ... I loved him so much... just knowing he's still alive could be enough for me, you know? to be joyfull for the rest of my life...

-...

-I knew he was dead 'cause I felt it, Suddenly the world became silent. I couldn't hear his heartbeat anymore. His sad music. I wish I got there before Deb. Or take his life on my own, if I knew there was no step back. His blood would still run through my veins, I'd have in my system his feelings and thoughts forever. I could see how he saw me. What he really thought about us. But when I could finally look for him, his body was gone. And when I found him at the morgue, he was already cold, and his blood was fully clotted. All I got is the tombstone I stole. And one of his notebooks. 

-Why you didn't turn him, I mean, like you? You never thought that?

-Everyday. But I was afraid of it. This is no cure, even less to the kind of pain he was suffering, I could've doomed him. There are so many like me that still bear the aches of their former existence,and other ones that only got compounded their misery. I never wanted him to suffer it, only because I was a selfish lover.

-You'd have done the world a favor...

-Maybe. Maybe not. I really loved him. And when you live as long as me, you reach a point where love has no room for selfishness. Besides, you don't know if that could've been a favor. Look at all those musicians that are still alive and haven't done anything good again.

-Touché

-...

-You think you will find someone like him again?

-If I do I'll tell you.

-Me? Why?

-I like you. And I trust you.

-I think it's something else.

-Perhaps. Now I must go. 

-Sunrise?

-Yep. And I'm feeling thirsty, if you know what I mean.

-Ok, then... see you soon. I hope.

-Good night, my dear.